not a blog

i'm not even sure if my web site does what i want it to do anymore.

i always said i'm not blogger, i dont like the structure of it. the publish-it-and-done form of it. the rigidity of it all. the implied commitment.

im much more of a re-read-it-a-million-times-and-go-back-and-edit-stuff kind of guy. a curator.

but i really want somewhere to just write stream-of-conciousness type notes when i have the urge. not complete articles on which to hit the big publish button. just thinking-outloud type stuff. notes that no one especially needs to read.

i guess that's what microblogs are for: quick-fire thoughts. but on neocities how can you maintin a microblog like that without access to php or whatever, without using a static site generator? and without using a third-party system? (i want my own files i can host anywhere) what was stopping me from using an ssg again? oh yeah, don't know how to use it on mobile.

i already have my "update" panel/feed, but i told myself that it wasn't for blogging. i don't know if i should keep it that way or develop it into a full blog. im so confused. it's only an XML file read back onto the page using javascript. theres no actual html pages and it has no permalink system (yet). so it's ok for just notifying about the occasional update but it's not going to hack it for a full-blown blog. also theres the extra step of having to wrap my html updates in xml before adding it to the feed. it technically works but it's not as quick-firey as a microblog should be

im overthinking it and confusing myself. i think i might go for a little walk to think about it some more

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i think the paralysis is caused by the tendency to label everything. before writing anything down: is this a blog entry, a micro-update, a long-form article? i might have created the webbed equivalent of a thousand notebooks with only one page used. is this a commonplace book, a journal, or a shopping list? am i getting things done or just venting? is this an inbox or a chamber pot? how do you think about something or do anything without giving it a name? a category? a *purpose*?

the original World Wide Web was built with individual pages. there's technically no such thing as a blog: that's just a label for a chronological collection of documents. a time-stamped list of *stuff*. and i don't think that's my style. i always preferred to think of my web site as a sort of personal magazine. the newspaper supplement filled with stories, analysis, and funny pages which kills a few hours on a Sunday afternoon. (sounds suspiciously like another label, doesn't it?)

* * *

i love my web site. i love having my own space again. but i feel like there's loads of stuff that doesn't make it on here because i don't immediately know where it will fit, so it doesn't just doesn't happen. or i plonk it somewhere with the best intentions and then neglect it. that's the void im trying to fill, and im not going to use a shoehorn to do it.

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(that actually helped me, a lot.)